Archive for the ‘Ridiculous’ Category

This Made The Morning So Exciting

September 3, 2009

There was a fire today across the street from my office, around 53rd and 7th in Midtown. I’m not sure how it happened, but a cab just burst into flames. The funny part is that the first person on the scene was the security guard in my building. The one who pesters me for my ID even when I’ve been gone for a tiny 2 minute coffee run. He was out there in a flash.

Anyways, the cab’s tires exploded at some point, not to mention the fact that the poor woman who sells framed pictures of NYC street signs lost like, ALL her shit. No one, as far as I know, was in the cab, and none of the police officers or firemen were harmed. Here are some pictures I took.

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UPDATE: Here are a few pictures from my friend, Daniella. You can really see the effects of the fire here.
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And here are some other pictures, after the fire.fire7

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And a video from my co-worker, Andrew…

A Very Gundam Wedding

August 28, 2009

A couple in Japan had a Gundam themed wedding. Complete with a HUGE FREAKING ROBOT. Guys, the US really needs to step it up a notch, because Japan is kicking our ass in the “Weirdest Shit Ever” contest that I continually have in my head. Click here to view more pics.

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This Amuses Me To No End

August 27, 2009

imasharkww3

If someone could put this into song, I’d give you the best high five of your life.

I’m So Sorry For Doing This To You

May 14, 2009

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I know I’ve been a pretty horrendous blogger the past couple months. But I can’t steal internet at home anymore, and I’ve just been too busy and cheap to buy it on my own.

And I’m totally aware, you guys, that my first post has a big ol’ picture of Spencer Pratt slapped on it. And from deep down in my soul, I have to apologize, because you all deserve so much better than that.

But hear me out.

So one of my big dreams is to be in a Starbucks or Dunkin’ Donuts somewhere, waiting in line to get a coffee and maybe a bagel or something else awesome like that. The line is long, but moving along nicely, when all of the sudden Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag just saunter up to the front of the line, cutting us all.

Jesus hates line cutters, you guys.

So I tell them “Excuse me, but you can’t cut everyone. You gotta get to the end of the line.” So they’re all, “Do you know who we are?!”, as if their pseudo stardom was a passport for them to cut me. America runs on Dunkin’, not douches. So I tell them “Yes, I know who you are. Which is just another reason for you to go to the back of the line” and then the crowd cheers and I get a free coffee.

I don’t know about you, but in terms of dreams, I think this is a pretty solid one.

Anyways, the whole reason I bring this up and drag you through it is because of this interview Complex did with Spencer. Getting through this interview is pretty painful, because all you want to do is punch Spencer in the gut and hold a mirror up to him in hopes that he’ll realize how his life is nothing but ridiculous.

Not only that, but they have his new rap song. Sooo I’ve basically given up on music all together, because obviously nothing worthwhile is ever happening again.

So enjoy, I guess.

Going Over The Line

February 24, 2009
Rapelay cover and in-game screenshots

Rapelay cover and in-game screenshots

So this is on the cover of the New York City Metro. It’s about a video game called Rapelay, where “…players take the role of a pervert who, after an arrest for molestation, sexually assaults the young woman he first attacked, along with her mother and younger sister”.

Are you fucking kidding me?! I mean, I know video games always have [and always will] push the envelope when it comes to what is considered appropriate. Consider the Grand Theft Autoseries. This is a franchise where killing hookers and car-jacking everyday citizens is encouraged. But I think there is a big difference between GTA and this game.

When it comes to any GTA game, there really isn’t any type of violence or profanity that can’t be seen on any cable station or rated R movie. So, just like a rated R movie, there needs to be some sort of discretion over who is allowed to play video games with questionable content.

It takes a certain level of maturity to deal with situations concerning graphic violence towards another human being. And when it comes to rape, a particularly violent crime that affects the victim physically, mentally and emotionally, that maturity level needs to be higher.

The problem with a game like this is that it taps into [almost global?] condition of mistreatment towards women. The idea that woman are objects or less than men is something that many people do not ever disregard. It’s a cultural problem that hardly needs the help of a video game that plays into the rape fantasies of creeps the world over.

Not only that, but by playing Rapelay, you’re being forced to accept and participate in the twisted beliefs of a serial raper. In GTA, for example, there is a whole story surrounding your actions, causing you to sympathize with the character. And while your actions may be violent and immoral, it comes within the context of a story [I’m reminded of something like The Godfather trilogy]. However, learning to sympathize with a rapist? Very dangerous territory.

Evidently, this game is only sold in Japan, and e-commerce sites, such as Amazon and eBay, are removing the game from their inventory. But we all know this will hardly limit the sale of the product in any country with working wifi.

What are your viewpoints? Is this an issue of free speech, where only those people mature enough should play this game, or is this crossing the line into something unsafe and unacceptable?

Okay, Michael Kors

February 20, 2009

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I’m fairly certain that if a designer on Project Runway sent a model out dressed like this, you’d call it something like a “God awful futuristic nightmare fashioned out of pillows and a little girl’s stuffed animal”, then send them home crying. Because it looks like the Cheetos cheetah is trying to insert this woman’s head into his anus.

via Jezebel

Slowly Pushing The Envelope

February 9, 2009

One of my co-workers received two enormous boxes the other day. No return address, no note attached, nothing. Just two huge boxes that when opened, revealed about 40 pairs of gorilla slippers.

I know, you guys, I freaked out too. You can’t buy that type of happiness. Or I guess in this case you could, and in this case happiness is priced at 40 pairs of gorilla slippers.

So of course I have a pair, internet. And the first thing I do when I get into work is slip into my ultra comfortable gorilla slippers and work through the rest of the day. Meetings, lunch, status calls…I wear them most everywhere.

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The eventual plan is to incorporate as much sleep wear into my work wardrobe as possible, slowly morphing from my comfortable work attire of jeans and sweaters into an even more comfortable t-shirt, robe and pajama bottoms ensemble.

Maybe someday even naked Fridays!

Baby steps, John. Baby steps.

photo courtesy of Gillian

Children Call You The Boogeymen

February 5, 2009

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Kanye. You and you crew look…just ridiculous. You look like Cirque de Soleil and Banana Republic had a baby with birth defects caused by alcohol and drug abuse.

via Kottke

I Will Fight You, Small Child

November 13, 2008

My belief is a very simple one. When I meet a celebrity, they will all the sudden realize how imperative I am to their lives, and they will want to adopt me as a best friend, confidant and money-pourer-into. It really isn’t a demanding wish, just something that will enable me to be the best I can be. And the ‘best I can be’ is more than likely related to how many celebrities want me on their dodgeball team. You know, the games they play where the winner gets a free extra wing on thier house and the loser has to fund the next episode of ‘Home Makeover’. Really, it’s fairly routine.

Then I see this garbage, and  I realize that my destined celebrity status was nothing more than lies. Lies, and maybe poorly advised college career counsiling. That upsets me mainly for ONE reason…

I’m HOW OLD and this little child of a boy gets celebrity coverage [aka Obama]?? That makes me cringe….but only half as much as the video. That this little boy had recess, a chicken nugget lunch, finished they’re spelling assignment, and then proceeded to become besties with the president-elect.

Long story short? Little boy, I’ll totally fight you. Let’s do it to it.

Funny Thing? The RAs Had A Staff Meeting On This Issue

October 23, 2008

Way, way long ago, I was an RA. I guided my residents through their college careers, personal problems and ridiculous predicaments. If you know me in the slightest…you know that’s pretty damn hilarious.

Seriously, though, I think I did a good job. My residents liked and respected me, and vice versa. That being said, if I was EVER the RA on a floor where I had to hang up this shit on the bathroom doors, I might have just pissed myself dead from laughing too hard.

Click to enlarge (haha, I made a pun...get it?...enlarge?...semen?...HA!)

What type of fucked up showers are these kids taking?! You need to be skipping classes, losing sleep, not eating and just plain rubbing yourself raw in order to create enough semen to cause MEMO WORTHY WARNINGS. Like, these people jerked off enough that many people sat down and discussed how big of a problem it was. Someone during this meeting had to say “And moving on to the masturbation issue…”

In my professional estimation*, it would take about 30 post-pubescent men jerking off 5 times a day, 7 days a week, in order to make any slight difference in the plumbing flow of a standard drainage unit. I’ll say it because it needs to be said. Huzzah on your stamina!

I can only imagine the floor meeting that would be required of me once this news was announced to my floor. And, I’ll be completely transparent with you, the amount of teasing I would have to accomplish within that time to make these kids feel disgusting and dirty enough to believe that the devil will indeed make you blind and take your soul is tremendous. I say that because if I’m forced to talk about skeet skeet to you, I’m going to make you pay for it.

Don’t judge me, though. There are RARELY opportunities that cross your path where you can legitimately yell at a group of guys for masturbating so much that their jizzum could cause flooding to an entire building. You’d totally enjoy flipping out, too.

*Professional because I masturbate.

(via Retarded’s Notebook…this is silly, but I don’t like that word and just needed to voice that)