Archive for the ‘News & Politics’ Category

I Will Fight You, Small Child

November 13, 2008

My belief is a very simple one. When I meet a celebrity, they will all the sudden realize how imperative I am to their lives, and they will want to adopt me as a best friend, confidant and money-pourer-into. It really isn’t a demanding wish, just something that will enable me to be the best I can be. And the ‘best I can be’ is more than likely related to how many celebrities want me on their dodgeball team. You know, the games they play where the winner gets a free extra wing on thier house and the loser has to fund the next episode of ‘Home Makeover’. Really, it’s fairly routine.

Then I see this garbage, and  I realize that my destined celebrity status was nothing more than lies. Lies, and maybe poorly advised college career counsiling. That upsets me mainly for ONE reason…

I’m HOW OLD and this little child of a boy gets celebrity coverage [aka Obama]?? That makes me cringe….but only half as much as the video. That this little boy had recess, a chicken nugget lunch, finished they’re spelling assignment, and then proceeded to become besties with the president-elect.

Long story short? Little boy, I’ll totally fight you. Let’s do it to it.

True Words

October 29, 2008

Andrea: I thought of you earlier today.

Me: Oh yeah?

Andrea: I was watching the McCain / Palin speech in PA.

Me: Ugh.

Andrea: They brought up Joe the Plumber again! You know, he’s going to be around for a long time…

Me: And Jane the engineer? Molly the dental hygienist? Chuck the teacher?! They’re all so great!

Andrea: You know why I’m disappointed in our country?

Me: Why?

Andrea: No one has looped Thomas the tank engine in on any of this.

Me: YES!

Andrea: I expected more from people.

The Army Is Forming

October 22, 2008

Last night, Sarah Palin was interviewed by Drew Griffin of CNN. According to her, Joe “The Plumber” Wurzelbacher [doesn’t that sound like a wrestler from 1972?] is representing so many people, including “…Jane the engineer and Molly the dental hygienist and Chuck the teacher”.

I don’t know about anyone else, but John the media planner thinks that Sarah Palin’s little army is starting to look alarmingly like the Verizon network people. 

Joe, Jane, Molly, Chuck et al

Joe, Jane, Molly, Chuck et al

See the video here or read the article here.

Katie Couric Is A National Hero

October 2, 2008

Can we talk about something here? Not the ridiculousness that is Sarah Palin’s VP nomination, or the idiocy that is the words that fly from her lips before verbally shitting all over my face. Not Joe Biden’s insanely well thought out responses, or his unfortunate hair situation.

No, let’s talk about Katie. And how AMAZING she is at representing her country on the front lines! Because I can tell you, if I had to do her job and sit in front of Sarah Palin and suffer this torture, I would die. I would be swallowing thumb tacks and asking husky men to gut punch me. I don’t know how she does it, but I’m damn proud of her for doing it so well.

That being said, watch the clip above. At about the :12 mark, Katie orgasms hard, but contains it pretty well. I’m guessing that having one of her questions actually answered just nailed her right in the g-spot. You can see her try to contain the pleasure that just washes over her face.

Compare to the 2:20 mark, where Katie tries to make Sarah Palin’s head explode using only the powers of her mind. Incredible.

Get ready for even more candidate fun tonight at the debate! It’s going to be freakin’ AWESOME!

Time Waster Tuesday – Researching Sarah Palin

September 2, 2008

Whether you want to waste time on it or not, the new time waster of the week is totally Sarah Palin. It’s like you can’t go to the internet about anything nowadays without it yapping in your face about Sarah Palin. Ask Internet about foreign policy, and Internet gabs about a video of Palin shooting guns in Kuwait. Tell Internet you’re interested in some celebrity baby gossip, and BAM, there’s Sarah Palin breast feeding what may or may not be her daughter’s baby.

Internet just won’t shut up about her. If this were the biblical era, and trackbacks were the equivalent to locusts, we would be in full fledged plague mode right now.

This, though, is by far the best thing I’ve seen about Palin. I stumbled across this on Buzzfeed and have pretty much dedicated the last 40 minutes of my life to clicking the reply button on each of the these three videos.

These videos made me realize how much Sarah Palin resembles Frances McDormand, aka Police Chief Marge Gunderson. Isn’t it weird how the states that no one cares about always somehow roll into one another?
Check out other vlogs by Gov. Sarah Palin at Que Sera Sera. And other news about Sarah Palin can be found on every corner of the world wide web. Whether you like it or not.

Time Waster Tuesday – The Olympics

August 12, 2008
The Olympics!
Chinese Drummers
Chinese Artists
Wire Dancers
(more Opening Ceremony images at Boston.com)

It’s fucking Cirque du Soleil and Harry Potter, you guys. All up in your face.

I’m freaking out on a daily basis. Things that I would never, EVER, in my normal life go hysterical over is now happening more often than I can handle. It’s like I’m going through some sort of heterosexual athletic-centric menopause, and my body and mind are just going crazy trying absorb as many events as possible.

With the amount of events, and the seemingly endless coverage coupled with the time difference, I get the feeling random events are happening every single hour of the day. Like, right now, people are fencing on horses while doing releases on the uneven bars. It’s crazy.

But because there is so much going on, it’s hard to keep up. For me, anyways. So that’s why you can waste your time with this!

Olympic Medal winners at NBC Olympics.com!

Or this!

2008 Olympics Video Coverage at NBC Olympics.com!

You can install these widgets [and others!] on every single social community, blog and desktop in your area. So you can now sit back and just refresh your page over and over again until you find out who wins that ribbon dancer event. I know it’s top of mind for me.

Seriously, it is. I can’t wait for that shit.