Archive for May, 2009

High Fives To This

May 27, 2009

dooce

I met Heather Armstrong at SXSW in 2006. We were on a bus together coming back from the Interactive Festival’s kick off party. I was drunk and went up to Heather, her husband Jon and their friend Maggie and asked them where they were headed next. It was like the head of the chess team asking the football team if they could hang.

I got denied.

Also I was sloshed and possibly have video of Heather on a bus and me yelling “That’s Heather from Dooce!” so I’m sure those factors didn’t help sway the vote in my favor.

So yeah. Long story short, this lady is the shit. Proof in the picture.

Just So You Know

May 27, 2009

A few people have asked me what the hell is going on in the below pictures. It’s from the iPhone app, Terminate Me. With this app, you take pictures of people and then BAM, you can turn yourself into a Connor killing mofo. I know I’m easily amused, but this will be something you love.

Click here to go and download the app. It’s free, so why not.

My Face Is Itching

May 26, 2009

John Terminator #2

So here’s the deal. I’m just gonna stop at CVS real quick to pick up some SPF 30, because you know what the sun does to my skin. Then destruction and mayhem and whatevs. Cool?

Hey, It’s Future John!

May 26, 2009

John Terminator #1

Oh, you know. Just here to destroy your future and stuff.

I Feel So Bad

May 14, 2009

For the past few hours, all I could think about was how I tagged the last post as “Music”, because of Spencer Pratt’s new single. And really, I should have had a completely different tag, like “Aural Raping” or something, because it’s not music.

And I just wanted to say sorry for that.

I’m So Sorry For Doing This To You

May 14, 2009

spencer-new-lead

I know I’ve been a pretty horrendous blogger the past couple months. But I can’t steal internet at home anymore, and I’ve just been too busy and cheap to buy it on my own.

And I’m totally aware, you guys, that my first post has a big ol’ picture of Spencer Pratt slapped on it. And from deep down in my soul, I have to apologize, because you all deserve so much better than that.

But hear me out.

So one of my big dreams is to be in a Starbucks or Dunkin’ Donuts somewhere, waiting in line to get a coffee and maybe a bagel or something else awesome like that. The line is long, but moving along nicely, when all of the sudden Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag just saunter up to the front of the line, cutting us all.

Jesus hates line cutters, you guys.

So I tell them “Excuse me, but you can’t cut everyone. You gotta get to the end of the line.” So they’re all, “Do you know who we are?!”, as if their pseudo stardom was a passport for them to cut me. America runs on Dunkin’, not douches. So I tell them “Yes, I know who you are. Which is just another reason for you to go to the back of the line” and then the crowd cheers and I get a free coffee.

I don’t know about you, but in terms of dreams, I think this is a pretty solid one.

Anyways, the whole reason I bring this up and drag you through it is because of this interview Complex did with Spencer. Getting through this interview is pretty painful, because all you want to do is punch Spencer in the gut and hold a mirror up to him in hopes that he’ll realize how his life is nothing but ridiculous.

Not only that, but they have his new rap song. Sooo I’ve basically given up on music all together, because obviously nothing worthwhile is ever happening again.

So enjoy, I guess.