Bowling Is Dangerous

Last night I went to a happy hour [thank God] at Lucky Strike on the west side. Which would normally be terrifying to me. So let me explain.

Last time I went REAL bowling [as in, bowled full strings rather than stealing someone’s spot when they weren’t quick enough to show] was back in Austin for the 2006 Bloggies. And if you go to that post, you’ll get to see a video that shows a general idea of what bowling was like for us.

What it doesn’t show is what bowling was like for ME. Which is this. Embarrassing frames. Horrific strings. Split pants. More bowling.

You guys, I split my jeans right up the ass. Thank God almighty that I chose to wear boxers that day, because at that period in my life, going commando was my thing. If I was about ‘my thing’ this night, all of Ft. Worth, Texas would know all about my ass crack.

This time, though, I’m ridiculously proud of myself. Not only are my jeans 100% solid, but I bowled a 123. That’s like getting a hug from Jesus to me, you guys. Because back when I was a boy scout, we had these bowl-a-thons where people sponsored you with a certain amount of cash for the amount of pins you knocked down.

So if you bowled for 4 hours, got about 150 pins an hour [decent for child-sized children] you would get about $30 for whatever charity you were raising money for. You guys, I routinely raised like, $5. That will not clothe, feed or shelter a puppy for a day, never mind a person. I totally failed in helping the less fortunate. I severely disappointed the less fortunate.

The less fortunate hated me.

But if they could only see me now! 123! Take that $6.15 and suck it!

One Response to “Bowling Is Dangerous”

  1. My Body Is In Shambles « Come To Find Out Says:

    […] Body Is In Shambles By John Remember when I told you how earlier this week I went bowling? And I fucking OWNED it? Yeah, I could care less about that right now because my body is still […]

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