Stop It, Dreams

I have these dreams about flying, but one of them happens a hell of a lot more often than any of the good ones. So feel free to comment about what this means about me as a person.

In this dream, I’m flying, but not in the fun way. The fun way, to me, is flying through the air, arms outstretched as you shoot through clouds, zip past buildings and pull off wicked awesome loopty loops. Crazy awesome stuff that most people think of when they look back at their flying dreams.

But no, that rarely happens to me. Instead, I’m flying around the playground of my old elementary school, but in order to stay aloft, I have to keep flapping my arms like I’m trying to fan out fires. I don’t have wings or anything. Not even two long planks of wood attached to my arms. No, I’m just flapping my arms like an idiot to stay afloat. Oh, also, I’m dressed as a Christmas tree.

And that’s not even the weird part. Which is funny to say, because right now, you have the picture of me in your head, flapping, dressed in this felt Christmas suit with a star on my head, floating around an elementary school playground. And I think that in most situations that would be the weird part. But no. The weird part is that there are HORDES of children underneath me, jumping and reaching and trying to touch and grab and poke and pull me.

No matter where I try to direct my flight path, they stay right underneath me. And the worst part is that I’m slowly sinking lower and lower and lower. You guys, I start to panic in the dream. Like, I’m freaking out because my flapping isn’t doing a damn bit of good, possibly because the weight of the Christmas tree suit is weighing me down, and an army of children are waiting for me to descend so they can, most likely, rip me apart.

This is like, 6th circle of hell shit right here. The dream never lasts long enough that I end up actually falling into the hands of the children, but rather I end up sinking right above them, and then I wake up.

This dream frustrates me so much, you guys, it’s not even funny. In the beginning sure, it was kinda funny to be all I’m a flying tree, hooray! but now it’s all Those kids are going to reach for presents and I don’t think I’m wearing clothes under this felt Christmas tree suit, and that is an issue none of us should have to deal with.

So yeah. I just want to fucking fly in my dreams. Is that too much to ask for?

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