Where Are You When I Need You, ShamWow?

For the last few nights I’ve been taking TheraFlu to help me get to sleep. With this plague that has come down upon me, I’ve had a difficult time both getting to sleep and staying that way. TheraFlu has been my ambrosia recently, being the only thing that has helped out my throat so I can get at least 5 hours of rest.

Whenever I take TheraFlu or NyQuil, though, I tend to take it…exuberantly. I feel that if I want my symptoms to be non-existent and I want a good night’s sleep, then I need just a little more than the suggested dosage. I mean, if one little cap full promises relief, then a cap full  and a half must be like, liquid awesomeness all down my sore throat. And I don’t care how sexually explicit that sounds.

I had my medicine on the shelf by my bed. Apparently I misjudged how much liquid the TheraFlu cap can take [the NyQuil one is shaped differently] and I just caused all types of a mess. Theraflu down my chest, on my blanket, down my side, onto my sheets. Somehow it was drooling out of my mouth. I looked like a 6 year old on Halloween who had his mom paint ‘blood’ on his face to make him look scary.

This shit was everywhere, and it was seeping and leaking and sticky and was touching everything. In a panic, I tore everything off my bed. Sheets, blankets, pillows. All to the floor. And of course, the TheraFlu seeped through the sheets to the mattress pad. I hate to say it, but I have to give credit to my dad for forcing me to get waterproof mattress pads.

Something that you have to keep in mind right now. I’m in a panic. My roommate is sleeping. It’s like, 2 in the morning. And I’ve just taken a shit load of TheraFlu. Drying everything off, finding and putting on new sheets and trying to keep myself from passing out in my doorway was a Herculean effort.

Throughout the entire procedure, though, I couldn’t help but think how easy my life would be if I just had myself a ShamWow. Because according to Vince, the ShamWow guy, this thing will absorb anything, anywhere.

And I got so irrationally angry right then and there for not having purchased a ShamWow in the past. Because if I just had even a PIECE of a ShamWow, I would have this clean up over and done with in less than 2 minutes. But no. I don’t have a ShamWow, and because of that I spent 15 minutes at 2 in the morning high on TheraFlu fixing my dumb bed.

God, I’m so angry about this.

3 Responses to “Where Are You When I Need You, ShamWow?”

  1. Gillian Says:

    You know the Germans, they always make good stuff!

  2. coffee Says:

    the guy who hosts the Shamwow commercials is truly inspirational

  3. shamwow Says:

    Thanks for the props.. Truly a great product.

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