Funny Thing? The RAs Had A Staff Meeting On This Issue

Way, way long ago, I was an RA. I guided my residents through their college careers, personal problems and ridiculous predicaments. If you know me in the slightest…you know that’s pretty damn hilarious.

Seriously, though, I think I did a good job. My residents liked and respected me, and vice versa. That being said, if I was EVER the RA on a floor where I had to hang up this shit on the bathroom doors, I might have just pissed myself dead from laughing too hard.

Click to enlarge (haha, I made a pun...get it?...enlarge?...semen?...HA!)

What type of fucked up showers are these kids taking?! You need to be skipping classes, losing sleep, not eating and just plain rubbing yourself raw in order to create enough semen to cause MEMO WORTHY WARNINGS. Like, these people jerked off enough that many people sat down and discussed how big of a problem it was. Someone during this meeting had to say “And moving on to the masturbation issue…”

In my professional estimation*, it would take about 30 post-pubescent men jerking off 5 times a day, 7 days a week, in order to make any slight difference in the plumbing flow of a standard drainage unit. I’ll say it because it needs to be said. Huzzah on your stamina!

I can only imagine the floor meeting that would be required of me once this news was announced to my floor. And, I’ll be completely transparent with you, the amount of teasing I would have to accomplish within that time to make these kids feel disgusting and dirty enough to believe that the devil will indeed make you blind and take your soul is tremendous. I say that because if I’m forced to talk about skeet skeet to you, I’m going to make you pay for it.

Don’t judge me, though. There are RARELY opportunities that cross your path where you can legitimately yell at a group of guys for masturbating so much that their jizzum could cause flooding to an entire building. You’d totally enjoy flipping out, too.

*Professional because I masturbate.

(via Retarded’s Notebook…this is silly, but I don’t like that word and just needed to voice that)

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