Archive for September, 2008

What I Won From Oiseaux

September 29, 2008

I was pretty lazy with posting last week, but I should have found time to mention this.

About a month ago, Shelley over at Oiseaux had her free print raffle that I told you about, and I was lucky enough to win!

There are tons of great prints that Shelley has, most of which are on sale at her Etsy shop. It took me a long time to figure out which print I liked the most, mainly because all of them are so cool. I finally decided upon Ballad No. 5…

Ballad No. 5

I loved the colors used in this, as well as the handwriting in the background. I can’t wait to get this framed and up on the wall somewhere in my apartment!
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Those Kids And Their Internets

September 29, 2008

I work in advertising, and it’s numbers like these that are sent to clients so we can rationalize why we should spend money in the new mediums that we do. For a media planner that works in online, mobile and other emerging medias, this numbers are orgasm inducing.

All of the statistics are pretty interesting. The ones I find the most fascinating, though, are the ones that show how fast the online medium is growing and how it’s being used. Between 2003 and 2007, the number of students who applied to Amherst College increase by 56 percentage points, from 33% to 89%. I find that to be an insane growth.

Also, the class of 2012 is made up of 438 students. Of those, 432 have become members of the Amherst Class of 2012 Facebook group. How insane is that?! Those 6 missing students could still be members of Faceboook, and just not a member of that particular group. But even still, the fact that Facebook has become so pervasive is ridiculous.

These numbers are overall pretty impressive, and speak well for my industry. Clients are always looking for proof that their target demographic is active online, and want to know exactly where and what they are doing when they’re online. What’s even more surprising is the penetration that Facebook has accomplished in relatively few years since their launch.

And now I’m blogging about nerdy online statistical data here on my site. I’m going to stop now, apologies to all.

[via Kottke]

Vermin 2, John 1

September 25, 2008

Let me start off by saying I am so extremely pissed that this is now something that is scored.

That being said, I’m on the board!

Because of all the renovations in my building, my floor right now is left with just one handicapped bathroom. I’d say there are about 80 people on my floor, which means that at any one time, you’re standing in line to use a toilet that 80 other people just either rubbed their ass all up on or just found a way to urinate all over. I’m still not clear why we wait in line for this.

The other day I managed to get in without having to take a number. I was sitting down and playing a game on my cell phone when I saw it. I’m trying to describe this bug without having a fucking freak out right now, but it’s so hard. It had like, a million legs, was this disgusting brown color, had antennae that were measured in inches, and it was fat. And wearing a McCain/Palin ’08 t-shirt.

(shudder)

Since I was sitting, I was kind of limited with my reach, so I just prayed that this thing wouldn’t come near me. But why would anything go well for me? Ever? Especially on the toilet?? Because if screwing over John wasn’t good enough, hell, let’s just take it up a notch and do it while he’s pants down pooping.

So it started coming at me. Like it was sad and wanted a hug or something. So I started stamping my foot to scare it away. I don’t know why I thought this would work, why a man sans pants stomping his foot would intimidate ANYTHING, much less bugs wanting hugs. This is when the bug full sprint towards me.

You guys, I totally freaked out, and before I knew what I was doing, I fucking stomped it’s head into the ground. And when I lifted my foot, half of it’s body was smushed into the floor, and the other half was still running. STILL FUCKING RUNNING!

Can you imagine if a full grown adult male was attacking you, and you found a way to pulverize him from the waist up, but his legs kept running after you?? Don’t forget to factor in the whole pantless and pooping component. That situation is ripe with fucked up shit.

So of course I had to sit there and finish my business, because until I could get my hands on half a roll of paper towels, I sure as hell wasn’t going to clean it up right then. Once done with the original mission, I picked up the STILL KICKING CARCASS with about 10 paper towels and threw it in the trash.

When the ball of paper towels hit the trash in the barrel, you guys, BUGS INSIDE THE BARREL STARTED RUNNING AROUND. If that doesn’t fucking nauseate you to the point of vomiting then your soul is putrid and rotting.

I’m still claiming a point of victory for this one, but seriously, Inter-kids, there’s a war-a-brewing. And I’m worried that my strongest weapon [screaming like girl] won’t cut it on the front lines.

Education!

September 22, 2008

Here’s the thing. If you’re showing your kid this video, complete with cartoon penises and people defecating, why do you need to call it ‘wee wee’ and ‘poo poo’?

Although, on the other hand, you could go too far with terminology. Like one of my teachers in high school who kept correcting his kids.

“No, that’s not called privates, Sarah. That’s your vagina.”

The Great North

September 22, 2008

I’ve been living in New York City for a year and a half now, and have become very acclimated to urban life. So whenever I get put in a situation where grass, dirt or trees are present, I get a little too excited. It’s almost like visiting a different world. A world where you can never get a cab and no one knows where to order a good spicy tuna roll.

So it was great to get out of the city and take a little vacation with some friends from high school up in New Hampshire for Labor Day weekend. The condo we stayed in was fantastic. Primarily because we grilled our meals every day and went to the outlets a few miles away. WHERE I got tons of awesome shit from Banana Republic and the Gap for a total of $20 and a handful of high fives and and a hug. It was awesome.

Also awesome? What was literally right outside our back door. Here are a few pictures…

It’s pretty freakin’ beautiful, right?

But like every time I put myself in a situation where I have to have direct engagement with nature, I paid the price. You guys, be happy I didn’t take a picture of what my back looked like after just one weekend in New Hampshire.

I counted. And I had 23 bites from my mid-back down to right above my ass. 23.

So rather than the welts on my back, let’s concentrate on that pretty birch tree.

Where John Tries To LOL Speak With Courtney

September 18, 2008

Me: hai
Courtney: hai?
Me: oh hai
Courtney: huh
Me: we kan go movies thiz wekund?
Courtney: im not talking to you like this

LOL speak? Fail.

Time Waster Tuesday – Television

September 16, 2008

Never ever in a million years and a million languages could I find the time or words to express to you how excited I am about TV starting back up. Starting this week, I fully intend on putting my DVR into overdrive and my social life into hibernation. I gots me shows to watch. Here is where I’ll be until summer ’09 begins. The premiere date is listed in the (parentheses).

Monday

  • Chuck on NBC from 8 – 9 (Sept 29). If you haven’t been watching this show, you really ought to start playing like a champion, because Chuck is great. And Zachary Levi is pretty dreamy. He’s like Jim Halpert 2.0, so how can you say no to that?
  • How I Met Your Mother on CBS from 8:30 – 9 (Sept 22). All of your friends are watching this, and they just aren’t telling you. How does it feel to be left out, hmm?
  • Heroes on NBC from 9 – 10 (Sept 22). I will be totally honest with you, last season was a little bit lameface. However, I totally have faith it will come back being ridiculously awesome, just like season 1.
Tuesday

  • Fringe on on Fox from 9 – 10 (Already premiered). I’m totally giving this show a chance. JJ Abrams + Pacey Witter = OMG STFU. That will be the only time you see either one of those acronyms ever leave my mind and enter the written word [or spoken, for that matter]. If it fails, my Tuesday will be ruined.
  • Reaper on the CW. I heard this is coming back April 22nd, and if so, I’m excited for it’s return. This show was funny and makes me laugh unexpectedly throughout the whole episode. If you hear any other news about this, let me know.
Wednesday

  • Knight Rider on NBC from 8 – 9 (Sept 24). HAHAHA!!!! Just foolin’ with ya.
  • Pushing Daisies on ABC from 8 – 9 (Oct 1). Nicole says that my only option is to just love this show. So I’ll give it a shot.
  • South Park on Comedy Central from 10 – 10:30 (Oct 8). Can you imagine they’ll do with Sarah Palin?? Oh man, I’m excited.
  • Real World / Road Rules Challenge on MTV from 10 – 11 (Already premiered). I know this is trashy, but if I don’t get my fill of pretty rich white kids fighting about money while drinking and running through a ropes course, I’ll seizure and die.
Thursday

  • My Name Is Earl on NBC from 8 – 8:30 (Sept 25). Whenever I happen to catch this show, I love it, but whenever someone asks me if I’m a fan, I say no. I’m tired of telling lies. Add it to the list!
  • Ugly Betty on ABC from 8 – 9 (Sept 25). Is it too late to start watching this? Or, more precisely, is it too shallow for me to start watching it because Lindsay Lohan is guest starring? Let me know, thanks.
  • The Office on NBC from 9 – 9:30 (Sept 25). Chuck may look like Jim Halpert 2.0, but version 1 will always have a place in my heart. Not to mention I cry because I laugh so hard. If you aren’t watching this show, your life decisions should be re-evaluated.
  • 30 Rock on NBC from 9:30 – 10 (Oct 30). Tina Fey, Alec Baldwin, Tracey Morgan, Jane Krakowski, Jack McBrayer. I’d do them.
  • It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia on FX from 10 – 10:30 (Sept 18). This has become one of the most consistently well written and superbly acted shows out there. I called it Friends on acid and deprived of morals, and you should be recording it.
Friday

  • Drinking or sleeping, whichever will be immediately the most beneficial to me after watching all of this.
Saturday

  • See Friday, also;
  • Hulk Hogan’s Championship Wrestling on CMT from 8 – 9 (Oct 18). Look me in the eye and tell me you won’t let the remote wonder on over to this. You can’t because you love it and you’re sick just like me.
  • SNL on NBC from 11:30 – 1pm (Already premiered). I will supply Tina Fey, Amy Poehler and Kristin Wig love children. And then bed Jason Sudeikis.
Sunday

  • The Amazing Race on CBS from 8 – 9 (Sept 28). Someday I’ll be on this show. Until then, I’ll just continue withering away watching it.

And that’s it. Sure, there are a few others I’ll watch, like The Simpsons or Family Guy, but only if my eyes don’t dry out and turn into raisins. And if I had a super cable package that including the big guys, like HBO or Showtime, you can bet I’d be tuning into about seventy other shows. Like True Blood, Little Britain, Dexter, Californication, Weeds, Entourage, and who knows what else.

Though I guess I should be happy I don’t get those channels. My schedule is pretty hectic enough as it is.

*I was so gonna hyper link every single one of these shows so you could read more about them, until I realized that there are like, 25 different ones up there. So I thought ‘Fuck it, they have Google’. And that’s what happened.

Magic Bathroom Time: Part 6

September 14, 2008

So at this point, the renovations are going along nicely. One floor is complete, with another floor in the midst of renovations. After the 4th floor had finally been finished, everyone in the building took breaks to check it out.

And you guys, it’s magically delicious. I didn’t even know that I was the type of person who would get excited about tiling and bathroom fixtures, but I totally am.

The Company Collider fired its first beam around the building’s full track three weeks ago. While no actual atoms were smashed the results were still pretty impressive .i.e. the newly renovated 4th floor restroom/pantry area.

The particle accelerator has been revved up once again this week for what hopes to be as successful an experiment. i.e. the 3rd floor restroom/pantry area.

More experiments are scheduled for the coming months, however these first two are landmark moments for a renovation program that has spanned more than four years and involved tens of workers.

I’m trying to get some pictures of this so you can see what this all actually looks like, but it’s a lot harder than you would think. You try walking into random bathrooms throughout the building with a camera and take a note of the reception YOU get. Unless you’ve got a gaggle of Larry Craigs bouncing around your office, taking pictures in a bathroom is not entirely kosher.

Magic Bathroom Time: Part 5

September 13, 2008

After construction finished on the 4th floor, the facilities manager sending out all these emails had to decide what floor would come next in the renovation process. It just so happened that, at this point, we were chest deep in the Olympics and all the moan inducing awesomeness that goes along with it.

Here are the official Renovation Games results.

Even though both the 3rd and 5th floors scored a 17.2 on their floor exercises, the level of difficulty for the 3rd floor was a 3.8 and the 5th floor was only a 3.2.

Therefore the committee has decided to give the 3rd floor the Gold thus qualifying it to be the next floor renovated.

The 5th floor is very disappointed and has filed a protest but I am afraid it has fallen on deaf ears.

The ruling stands.

Topical humor! Huzzah!

But joking aside, Inter-kids. I cannot tell you how frackin’ stoked I am about my floor being redone. SO EXCITED!

Magic Bathroom Time: Part 4

September 12, 2008

It’s been awhile since I posted about the mystical bathroom journey my office has embarked on, and there have been a few developments…

I’m so excited and I just can’t hide it!!! I’m about to lose control and I think I like it!!!

Prep work will continue on your floor as other floors are being renovated. A detailed agenda for your specific floor will be made available in the near future.

On a personal note, I would like to take the opportunity to say thank you in advance for all of the understanding and rolling with the punches you will undoubtedly have to go through.

I know that living through renovations is irritating at best. However the finished product will look great at worst. We will try to make this as painless as possible.

I’m so glad we’ve had this time together. Just to have a laugh or sing a song. Seems we just get started and before you know it. Comes the time we have to say so long.

Good-night everybody! ( I’m pulling on my left ear)

I know I’ve said it, but this man is milking all the joy he can out of his job. And I’m astonished at how much mileage he’s got out of this bathroom thing, because to be honest, by the second alert email I’d just be saying “Don’t poop here till next week”.

Direct and and to the point. Not much else needed when talking about fecal matters.

I’ll be posting some other emails this weekend only because I know you all will just agonize over not knowing what is coming next. Stay tuned!