So the Patriots lost the Superbowl. Supersad.
I’m not a huge sports guy. I enjoy attending the occasional baseball or basketball [Syracuse only. Go Orange!] game, and can be persuaded to watch some games on TV, but that’s about it. I don’t have that tie to certain sports that other people do. So when there is a big game during whatever season it is and we lose, my response is normally ‘Oh. That sucks.’ and then I continue with my day.
The issue is my addictive personality and hometown pride coupled with my competitive nature and stubborn streak. Roll these up together and you have someone who will immediately latch onto a game if his home team is there and tensions are running high. Bad words come out of my mouth aimed right at friends, friends who are really nice to me and I enjoy being around but who are right now cheering for the wrong team and this makes them HIDEOUS MONSTERS NOT TO BE TOLERATED. Yelling at the TV and the coaches is something that I feel is worthwhile and helpful and making an impact upon future decisions made by the team.
So tonight was one of those nights. I found myself yelling ‘shut up’ to friends, totally fueling the controversy that Eli Manning looks like a gangly doofus, only to be outdone by Peyton, who looks like Mr. Peanut. Internet, I screamed at football players and told them to run faster and pick up the pace because LOOK, there is someone who wants to GET YOU so you had better hasten your step.
This came out as ‘GogogogogoGO!GO!GO!GO!GO!FUCK!’.
Two things come to mind when I look back at this advice I’m handing out to the TV. One, why do I do this when I know the likelihood of anyone in Arizona hearing me is slim to none. And two, many would wonder why would they take my advice at all, even if they could hear it.
I’d like to point out that while my athletic experience is limited, it is varied. I have played hockey, basketball, baseball, soccer and gymnastics. And figure skating. The show I remember best is to the song ‘Nothing Like A Dame’. Which is all at once highly entertaining AND disturbing when you are in third grade. Because the hand motions we made while skating around, forming the hour glass shape of a woman, is probably what drove me away from females entirely. I don’t think any of the kids in that show walked away with their sexualities in tact.
This being said, my input is invaluable to the Pats. They need me. They need me to let them know that running faster would be a desirable action at this very moment in time. And they need me to think that crossing all my fingers on each hand, then folder the crossed fingers will somehow enable victory. It is pure logic.
And besides. If Troy Aikman can stand in his little commentator booth and say something so in your face idiotic like;
What they NEED to do is drive the ball down the field, but all the while keeping the other team from pushing the ball back…
Then I could be their football messiah.
I’m over the loss now, but at the time there were only three things that were making me smile.
This conversation heard on the N train between 34th and 42nd street
Drunk Friend: We’re riding in Eli’s truck, come ON!!!
And then half the train actually left with them, screaming onto the Times Square platform. God willing with their scarves on.