Archive for May, 2007

The Most Orange Of Weddings Ever

May 30, 2007

Over the weekend, two of my friends from college got engaged. To each other, no less!

Here’s the facts.

Laura and Kevin have been dating one another since I knew them, being about 4 years. While at Syracuse, Laura was the famed and adored Otto the Orange, our school mascot.

Well, this past weekend, Kevin took Laura back up to Syracuse for a little vacation. Because his family lives in the area, he had the cover story. One day, they decided to go for a walk in the quad when lo and behold, Otto comes running right up to them.

Laura is thrilled with pretty much anything Otto, having donned the Orange suit for about 2 years. What she didn’t know is that Otto had, in his hand, a ring.

And the rest is history.

Internet, I’d like for you to congratulate my friends, Laura and Kevin, on their engagement! Hip hip HOORAY!

Orange is the happiest color.
Frank Sinatra

Kick Ass

May 25, 2007

See that? Where it says (thx, john)?

That’s this John. This John right here.

I sent in this link about the gay flamingo couple, Carlos and Fernando, and Jason Kottke posted it. Which, I think, means that I supply him with his material now.

Which also pretty much means that we are now best friends forever and are going to hang out and go shopping at American Apparel and be witty with one another.

I also believe that I’m going to run into Sarah Jessica Parker on the subway, and we’ll both be listening to our iPods*, and she’ll ask what I’m listening to, so we’ll switch and listen to each other’s music. She’ll totally dig whatever I’m playing, but I won’t be too impressed with what she’s listening to, because who listens to anything from Harvey Danger besides Flagpole Sitta, but I won’t tell her that.

We’ll become best of friends, and she’ll invite me to dinners at her place with Matt, where we’ll laugh at Nathan’s jokes and watch old episodes of Sex and the City with color commentary from Sarah herself and we’ll all become inseparable.

Jason, you’re invited too.

It’s gonna be sweet.

*My iPod fell in the toilet tonight. The screen still comes on, but I’m afraid to use it or plug it in. Also, gross. And let me tell you it was post toilet use, not pre. I have to say I never in my life thought I would shove my hand so quickly into a crapper than I did tonight.

You Wouldn’t Believe Me If I Didn’t Have The Pictures

May 23, 2007

A few weekends ago, right when the weather decided to stop acting like a frigid bitch and realize that spring had LONG since arrived, a few friends and I decided to spend the afternoon in Central Park.

The only reason I know for sure I didn’t accidentally take a hit or five of acid before getting to the park is because I have these photos. And even then, I’m worried that I’m just completely insane. Because this doesn’t happen in the normal world.We were sitting relatively close to the park’s entrance, so the people watching was prime. We also managed to secure a nice area near all of these beautiful cherry blossoms. They were definitely gorgeous, but at the same time they are everywhere. So when HORDES of people continuously came and began taking pictures of the exact same cherry blossom from the exact same point of view, we got curious.

A tour guide who was tugging his two tourists along in a carriage attached to his bike had gotten out right in front of us. We asked him what made these trees, and that particular tree, so special.

“It is just AMAZING what happened here!”
“What?”
“Because, friends. Fifteen days ago, there was NOTHING. Nothing was there.”

“AND THEN TWO WEEKS AGO THERE THEY WERE!”

While the beauty of nature is something to behold, I can say with a bit of certainty that trees tend to do that. You know. Bloom and what not.

For the life of me, I still can’t figure out what people were being told about these trees. Because for two hours, people stopped. They stopped jogging, stopping walking their dogs, stopped touring and stood and looked at these trees.
We had pretty much resigned ourselves to the fact that we would never know, aside from aesthetics, what was actually so damn appealing about those damn trees.

Then, Internet. Oh, and then.
Asian women dressed as dinosaurs came.

Really, I don’t think I can be any more descriptive than this. Asian women. Dressed as dinosaurs. Paid homage to the cherry blossoms.

I swear to you there was no film crew. There were no professional photographers. No stunt or joke or prank. Because believe me, I thought this. And I looked. Because the only thing that kept going through my head was What am I, on Punk’d?! Where the fuck is Ashton Kutcher?!

Just. Asian. Dinosaurs.

After taking pictures with the tree, they wondered onto the lawn, between the other cherry blossoms, and down the hill. Not a word was said by any of us during this entire event. We just sat there, watching what would have to be one of the most random things ever happen right in front of us. Because seriously? I would have been less surprised if Bill Gates and the Muppet Babies were playing on a Slip N’ Slide while the Olsen twins watched.

After they left, we all just kind of stared at the trees than back at one another. Finally, after what must have been a whole minute, the silence was broken.

“How embarrassing for them.”
“I know. They showed up wearing the exact same thing. I would die.”

One Year Out

May 22, 2007

The other weekend I headed up to Syracuse for the 2007 graduation. I felt like I was a poorly written character in a made for TV movie.

During the past year, it became very easy to lose touch with those who are still in school. Life in college is just as hectic and demanding as life in the real world. The only difference being that the two share virtually nothing in common except for that one defining detail.

This is what makes it so hard to stay in touch. Sure, there are the phone calls every so often and the messages on Facebook. But it is nowhere near the same as being at school.

One year out, I’m still struggling with a very simple concept. I don’t live 10 minutes away from the 20 people I call ‘friend’ anymore. I can’t stop by a friend’s house at 3 in the afternoon and expect to see them sitting on their porch. I can’t skip part of my day in order to take a trip to Wegman’s to do nothing but look around. I don’t even have the option to clear away a random night to catch up, because those people aren’t down the street, waiting for me to arrive.

In the beginning, walking through the quad and seeing the old sites was comforting, like finding an old blanket that you had as a kid. All these memories come flooding back to me, and at that second, I was in college again. I walked by where I had my classes and where I had my lunch. I visited the student center and Chuck’s [my favorite bar]. And I met up with friends. Graduated. Graduating. Underclassmen.

Then it hit me. These memories that crowded me became just that. Memories. I felt out of place. Like I had just walked into my middle school and sat down in Mrs. Hey’s English class. Everything was so familiar but still so out of place.

The best four years of my life were spent at Syracuse. I met some of the most fantastic people, had some of the most amazing experiences and learned some of the most vital lessons during my matriculation, and at the same time I couldn’t wait to be out of there. Forgive the extreme analogy, but it was as if I was seeing all these ghosts, and it hurt that I couldn’t interact with them. There were a lot of friends in those memories around campus. And it is with a heavy heart that I think of the fraction of that number I am in touch with now.

One year out. I’m living in New York City with a great job, friends in the area and a literal endless supply of memories to be made in the coming years. But I can’t help but wish I was able to wake up for just one day and have the opportunity to do all the things I bitched about for four years just one more time. With all the other characters played by the same people, the set unchanged and a plot line as plain as day.

How about you?

Messy Persons Have The Most Fun

May 16, 2007

Because my room is basically a carpet of clothing punctuated with unsightly floors here and there, it would make sense everything else I own is, as well.

Not mentioning the computer issue [which I still haven’t gotten fixed, because that would involve actually doing something on my free time removed from the television], everything I have is just a mess. I just erased I don’t even KNOW how many playlists off my iPod. That I never listen to. In doing so, I freed up 3 gigs of memory.

My electric shaver and trimmer is just a bloody maim away from being labeled a rusty, face severing weapon. Of course, I got a new one for Christmas. A self cleaning one. I haven’t had the chance to charge it yet.

That brings us to my cell phone. I pretty much got absurdly attached to my phone, even though it sometimes doesn’t let other people hear me clearly and grows massive amounts of belly button lint in its crevasses. And it is approximately 17 years in age. It’s as if many people believe me to be Zack Morris trying to bring back the big phones.

Not only that, but I rarely remember to delete text messages. Sometimes because I forgot. Most of the time because some make me laugh. So, in an effort to tidy up my life, I am posting my texts right here for the world to see. And for me to save, because I seriously don’t want to delete them.

6/17/06 at 7:49 pm from LB
My breasts may be completely revealed tonight in my shirt.

12/25/06 at 4:54 pm from Erin aka Muffinhead
Happy birthday baby Jesus! Don’t forget to sing happy birthday to the baby Jesus!

3/30/07 at 3:57 pm from Kim
Work is so lame.

3/30/07 at 4:15 pm from Kim
Yes, Ebola virus is lame too.

3/30/07 at 5:25 pm from Kim
Please stop sending me diseases.

3/31/07 at 2:23 am from Kristen
How are you locked in hotel stairway???

3/31/07 at 2:28 am from Carla
Kristen is coming to find you. Stay there.

3/31/07 at 2:45 am from Carla
I don’t know how you got locked in there either.

4/15/07 at 12:40 am from Nicole
Are you awake and sober?

4/15/07 at 10:15 am from Erin
Call me and let me know you’re alive sometime today.

4/15/07 at 3:21 pm from Tiffany
You told me you sang karaoke.

4/15/07 at 3:36 pm from Tiffany
Michael Jackson’s Black or White.

4/20/07 at 7:36 pm from Erin
I’m awkward and drunk.

5/15/07 at 8:54 pm from Nicole
I hate you.

In writing this, I’ve came to the conclusion that I may need to start to be a bit more tidier with my belongings. And possibly less drunk on the weekends, because I totally forgot about that locked in the Radisson stairwell incident. Although I did take a towel and tiny shampoos off a cart once I was freed, so I suppose everything worked out in the end.

Paris Hilton Is Going To Jail…That Is How I Now Say ‘Good Morning’

May 10, 2007

I am just too tired to post. I try, and I get sleepy. So here’s a short list. Bullet style.

  • Work is awesome. I love it.
  • I need a haircut badly. Maybe during lunch tomorrow. Anyone know of any chear stylists/barbers in the Midtown area? Near Central Park?
  • I’m going to Syracuse this weekend. Get excited.
  • I need a place to stay in Syracuse this weekend. Get generous.
  • This year’s commencement speaker is Frank McCourt, author of Angela’s Ashes.
  • Frank McCourt, being a writer, will hopefully surpass drunk Billy Joel.
  • I get to see Tiffany and Kim and Jewels, as well as many others, this weekend and I couldn’t be more excited.

I should sleep now. Goodnight.

AAAAAAAAAA Is Not Comforting To Me

May 4, 2007

I’m still having the issues with the computer. Which isn’t a surprise, because I’m basically the equivalent of an incontinent 92 year old woman with glaucoma when it comes to things like this. So long story short, I’m going to find time this weekend to pay a Genius a visit and have him/her fix my computer. Because seriously? Once you lose 25 letters of the alphabet, things pretty much get wicked frustrating.

But can we all talk about the benefit of all this? The first is that the general interweb totally came through for me with suggestions. I think that for all problems and queries, I’ll come to you guys. Because even if you’re wrong, at least I didn’t have to make the effort to actually get up off my lazy ass to have someone to say it to me.

Seriously, though. How great is it that I can turn to the Blogosphere and ask for help and actually GET it?! It is very reassuring to me that I

Secondly…HI RAY!

Ray and I went to school together at Syracuse University. We took several classes with one another, my favorite being Communication of Whiteness. He’s very smart and funny and also admirable for only taking about a year to delurk. Congratulations, Ray!

I also want to say thanks, Ray, because I did [try to] follow your directions. I got as far as the font book, but then the lack of consonants got in the way, and I became anxious. The last thing I need to do is to accidentally get rid of the English alphabet entirely and be left with those god awful wing-dings. But things were looking promising until I chickened out.

Also, I got a couch for my room. For free. After messing up my computer only to it can be fixed for free was great. Then getting free furniture? That pretty much moves this week from annoying tragedy to penny pinching heaven.

I Need Your Help, Interweb

May 1, 2007

Okay. So you see this picture right here?


Do you see this? Why is my computer doing this? My Finder window. My menu bars. My desktop items. Everything.


Do you see? What is wrong with my computer? I have never had an issue with my Mac before. And then, out of the clear blue sky, I am riddled with blocky A’s. Also, the silent screams in my head are killing me, because every time I look at one of these, I keep going “AAAAAAAAAAA!!!” and I can’t stop doing it.

I have so much to write about, including pictures of twin dinosaurs looking at cherry blossom trees in Central Park. But I can’t concentrate because of this problem!

Both for my sanity and my notebook, please help me. Fix my Mac.

I’m so sad right now

*I also tried restarting. And remember, my finder window does not have consonants, which can cause a problem when trying to sound out simple and complex words. However, System Preferences does, as do some other applications. I’m going to slip further down the already slippery slope towards insanity I have created for myself if this isn’t fixed.

**But seriously. Help me fix this. Even if you have to forward this to friends and eDorks fill up my inbox with theories. Help.