I Think It May Be Time For Me To Stop Watching TV

Today I got home from work early. So after making myself a nice late lunch, I parked in front of the TV while I ate.

Not much is on in the early afternoon, so I found myself switching between Judge Joe Brown and the Tyra Banks show. I should never have left the comforts of Joe and his court room of misbehaving miscreants.

Tyra’s show yesterday was all about skin care. How to treat stretch marks. How to protect your skin from UV rays and becoming an old leathery baseball mitt. How to make the skin on your breasts soft and firm. And how to pop pimples.

I should have immediately changed it back to Judge Joe Brown when Tyra asked the audience if there was anyone who liked to pop pimples and had a really good one that they wouldn’t mind popping on air.

Tyra then commenced popping this man’s GINORMOUS pimple with two q-tips, and was told by the dermatologist to stop once she sees blood.

Jesus, Mary and Joseph, I feel myself getting sick just writing this.

After it was done, the man was so thankful to Tyra because, well, Tyra Banks just popped a pimple on his face, and if that isn’t a story to tell the grandkids someday, then you might as well just kill yourself now and end your God forsaken life because nothing NEARLY as exciting and important will ever happen to you as Tyra making pustules on your face explode in a glorious display of blood and pimple juice.

Ugh I feel like less of a person for writing this post. I also feel like my stomach is filled with a bunch of butterflies. Sick, puking, angry butterflies.

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