Itsie Bitsie Teenie Weenie Bald Faced [Dead] Liar

For a small period of time, our country began what can only be known as the most difficult and arduous grieving process in cultural memory.

Paul Vance, co-writer of the beloved song Itsie Bitsie Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini, was pronounced dead on Tuesday, September 26th. It was discovered shortly thereafter that Paul Vance was indeed NOT dead, but the man who had been posing as him for God only knows how long had actually died.

When I read this article on the train the other day, I was brought to tears, snorts and breath taking fits of laughter. The fact that someone decided one day to impersonate, out of all the people in the world, Paul Vance, just goes completely over my head. Maybe this man was drunk at a party once, and for some reason it just slipped out as a joke but never had a chance to reach the punchline [until he died and got his name all over the paper, that is].

I think my favorite part of the article is when the wife of the imposter is informed that her husband is, in fact, not the Itsie Bitsie Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini man. Her response? She is “kind of devastated” at the news.

That sad woman probably married that man for that only reason.

In other news, I think it’s time I tell you all that my name is NOT John, but instead I am the celebrated singer and performer Sisqo, known far and wide for such musical diddies as The Thong Song and…um…The Thong Song.

There. I feel much better now.

3 Responses to “Itsie Bitsie Teenie Weenie Bald Faced [Dead] Liar”

  1. Steve Says:

    I had always suspected you were involved in the hip hop community.

  2. nicole Says:

    Oh, Steve.

  3. John Says:

    I wish you two could get along better, and not be so sarcastic to one another all the time.

    That’s my wish, Steve and Nicole. Try to make it happen.

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