At Times Like These, I Think It’s Important To Sit Down And Ponder The Meaning Of Life

Screech Powers. Perhaps you’ve heard of him? The man who got struck by lightning and obtained psychic abilities? The kid who owned a robot named ‘Kevin’? The nerd who developed a zit cream that made blemishes disappear in a flash, but eventually turned your face purple? Who forever will be bound by his eternal love for Lisa Turtle?

I’m guessing that he’s gotten over that childhood crush. Especially since Screech aka Dustin Diamond aka the man who’s face alone would make me want to try to bitch slap a hundred rabid howler monkeys is now starring in a sex tape.

In the tape, Diamond is reported to be having sex with two other women [how, I’ve no idea, though I assume it has something to do with a soul, contract and Lucifer]. Good ol’ Screech then puts the coup de gras on the film by then giving one of the women a dirty sanchez.

If it weren’t for the fact that they’re secured in my head, my eyes would be jumping out of my face and running to the bathroom to grab the sharpest razor available, if only to end their newly found freedom by slitting their wrists to ease the pain of living.

3 Responses to “At Times Like These, I Think It’s Important To Sit Down And Ponder The Meaning Of Life”

  1. Betty. Says:

    My eyes.

    Jesus Christ My Eyes!

    I hate that I looked up Dirty Sanchez. I hate that you made it so easy to look up. I was fine with my naivety all these years of hearing it and never asking.

    My god. I’m scared.

  2. Brandi Says:

    Naaaaaaaaaaaaaa-steeeeeeeeeeeee.

  3. Joolie Says:

    I didn’t know people actually DID dirty sanchezes! I thought it was just a thing someone made up to be as disgusting as possible.

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