I May Not Be Faster Than A Speeding Bullet, But I’m Faster Than A Bus

Sex With John went off without a hitch. I kept my residents in the dark until they got to the meeting before telling them what to do. The program was kind of similar to a post I wrote way back in the day.

Interesting sidenote. The girls all showed up late for Sex With John. All the guys on my floor showed up early. With condoms. Hmm.

Anyways, the program went something like this. I had a bag with 100 pieces of candy in it, with each candy representing something. Each time you choose a piece of candy, you are having unprotected sex. For example, there were 17 York Peppermint Patties, which, if you picked one, meant you were lucky and experienced no consequence for your actions. However, I also had 8 Lemonheads, which meant you or your partner became pregnant. 8 out of every 100 women will get prego during a single act of unprotected sex.

Also, because 1 out of every 4 sexually active college students get some type of STD, there were 25 pieces of candy that represented different STDs. These inlcuded Milky Ways [genital warts], Snickers [chlamydia], and a Ring Pop [syphilis]. SYPHILIS, by the way, can cause blindness, paralysis, heart disease, insanity or death.

Did that register with you the same way that it registered with me? INSANITY?! There is an STD out there that causes INSANITY?! If that doesn’t make you flaccid, then you are a better man than I. And probably hornier. Well. Probably not.

After we did that, I took a bunch of fun sex facts and turned them into questions. I then split the residents into two groups, where they had to answer the questions in order to win a pizza party.

They weren’t normal sex facts either. They were fun, ice breaker sex facts. The kind that you could use to go up to ANYONE in ANY bar ANWHERE and immediately get at least a smile. Or a slap in the face. Here are a few gems…

Jazz fans and gun owners are among the most sexually active Americans.

Humans are the only species on Earth to have face-to-face sex.

One tablespoon of semen contains 10 calories.

The clitoris contains an estimated 6,000 to 8,000 nerve endings — about the same number as the penis. Its sole purpose? Sexual pleasure.

The average number of times a man will ejaculate in his lifetime? 7,200. 2,000 of them are from masturbation.

The average speed of ejaculation is 28 mph. The average speed of a city bus is 25 mph.

The residents loved it. Despite being told that Skittles are gonorrhea and Twix are genital herpes, I’ve never seen a bag of 100 pieces of candy go faster in my life. Come to think of it, I’ve never seen a group of college students seriously discuss how fast they think jizz shoots out the head of a penis. So tonight was a night of firsts, I guess.

What a great way to kick off Pulsing Pimple Day.

7 Responses to “I May Not Be Faster Than A Speeding Bullet, But I’m Faster Than A Bus”

  1. Sandra Dee Says:

    You, my new blogger friend, must be the cooooolest RA ever. I wish my college life had included more fun people like you.

  2. JCRogers Says:

    Wow, that’s awesome. You shoudl post more of those facts.

    Just think how many people you gave STD’s to.

  3. Annie, The Evil Queen Says:

    God bless you for finding a way to do an interesting program. I was an RA for a year and each semester we had to do 8 programs EACH in our building. The alcohol programs were pretty much always a drag. Everyone KNOWS you shouldn’t drink until you throw up. No one cares.

  4. emily Says:


    I KNEW I should have shown up!

  5. hemlock Says:

    I love that you’re using fun and humo(u)r to teach people about sex, implications and useless facts.

    Great work!

  6. Brooke Says:

    You are SOOO beating my old RA and her guitar singalong sessions.

  7. #1 Dancer Says:

    OMG. YOu are so creative, John. I know what you should do for a living now… Give motivational and/or informative presentations to random groups – CEO’s, Hell’s Angels, or Girls Scouts. I think you could come up with something for any of them. I am truly impressed. Truly.
    BTW, I get a TON of hits off of you… Thank you. ThankYouVeryMuch.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: