I’ll Miss You

It is a sad, sad season, my friends. Today is December 16th, and earlier this morning at around 7 am, I emailed the very last of my assignments to my professor and called it a night. I am officially done with the last fall semester of my undergraduate career. One more semester left. And I’m not ready to go.

This semester, all in all, has been a rough one. I am very close to graduating, and am still mentally, physically, emotionally and financially unprepared for what lies ahead of me. Entering the real world is more than I feel prepared for, regardless of what some may say. I’ve experienced the joy of meeting new friends this semester, both in school and through blogging. It’s funny how, even so late in the collegiate game, you can find people that you just click with and want to spend every free hour of your day with them. Imagine the number of people out there I haven’t met yet who I can become obsessed with. Insane.

I’ve also lost friends. A good friendship is on its way out the door right now. It’s only a matter of time before the final word is delivered. While it may be for the best in the long run, it is still so hard to say goodbye to who you thought was your best friend. Considering the circumstances of the situation, I don’t know if this is something that can be saved or not. Either which way, and regardless of how angry I get at the decision, I’ll miss him.

Some of my newer friends are going abroad, and because they are juniors, it will be a long time until I see them again. Just now, three friends [hi Sarah, Ari and Kristina!] came and stopped by work to drop off some stuff for my position next semester [I’m Vice President of Fellowship next semester for APO…my predecessor? The fabulous girl playing beer pong] before going home. There is a chance I will be with some of them for spring break, and I really hope that works out, because otherwise, it will be a long time until we see each other.

One of my friends even graduated this semester. Originally, she was going to come back here to stay the final semester with us while working a job or internship. But, if she gets this better job she’s applying for, then she won’t be back. I’ve known her since the first few weeks of freshmen year. I’ve been friends with her longer than anyone else here at college, and soon after Christmas we’ll find out if she will be coming back or not. I’ve seen her almost everyday of my college career, and now she may be gone. Sucked into the real world that I’m not ready to be a part of.

I go back to Boston tomorrow. I’m not packed. I haven’t done laundry. I haven’t even said all my goodbyes. I sit here right now with so much more left to do, and so many more people left to see. I don’t think that any of this has really hit me until right now. Things are ending, and regardless of how much I dig my heels into the moment, I’m still getting dragged towards this end result that I don’t want to have anything to do with.

So tonight, I have a plan. I can’t stop the inevitable. I can’t prevent people from leaving. I can’t stop people from going home. I can’t force someone to not say goodbye. But I can have a last hurrah. I can make tonight the perfect night, and I can make tonight the one to be remembered for those leaving.

It’s all I can do. Laugh. Drink. Love. And say goodbye.


8 Responses to “I’ll Miss You”

  1. Bridie Says:

    you made me cry. i love you.

  2. Kel in Tx Says:

    Just wanted to say I love your blog. You are a great writer man.

    It sucks ending a friendship, but sometimes its for the best. People grow apart, trust is broken, all you can do is remember you had a few good times, and wish him/her well.

    I was in APO in college, and i thought I’d be best friends with some of those people for my whole life. 10 years later, I can hardly remember most of their names. I still have my jersey though.

    Have a great time in Boston. Keep writing, you’re keeping me entertained here at work.

  3. #1 Dancer Says:

    Yeah, you’d better keep writing (as if you had anything more interesting to do while on winter break – I do remember what that was like) or I will have my cousin that lives in Boston hunt you down and… Well, you’ll probably end up going bar hopping b/c she’s cool like that and y’all will hang out. What was I saying?
    Oh, yeah. Write. Or I’ll miss you slash hate you. ;-p

  4. Brooke Says:

    Awww…little Johnster is growing up!

    I understand mourning the loss of your frienship, but shit like that happens along the way and you did what you could.

    Enjoy your break and keep up the writing!

  5. Melanhead Says:

    Have a fabulous evening. And enjoy every moment of every passing day of your spring semester.

    As time passes on, you will definitely look back nostalgically on these times, but at the same time, you’ll be really happy with where you will be at. It won’t make sense now, but it will some day. ;)

  6. Anonymous Says:

    I’m about to go have some drinks with you ;)

  7. wordgirl Says:

    I remember feeling the way you do now about graduating. It’s tempting to stay on and be student forever. I mean, it WAS tempting. That was awhile back for me. Still, I can sympathize.

    I like the way you write, and if you want to pretend your kidney stones are babies (See Sarcastic Journalist)…it’s okay with me. I’ll be back. Keep writing.

  8. V-Grrrl Says:

    College friendships are intense and unique. They don’t have to end. You and your buddies will share adventures in the “real world,” cheer each other on, and commiserate about how tough things can be. I have friends that go all the way back to middle school and others that I met in college. To this day, they are my inner circle even though we’ve never lived near each other as adults.

    You’re right to be nervous about what lies ahead. It’s hard to leave the structure and predictability of school behind and build your own life. But it’s exciting too. Things will fall together piece by piece–give yourself time, lots of it.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: