A few weeks ago, I needed to perform a personal narrative in front of my class. The assignment required I write out a script of some sort, and perform an event from my life.
Thank God I have a blog.
So I performed this in front of my class, and I got an A- on the performance.
After I got the grade back, I called my Auntie Jan, otherwise known as Freak In My Yard, to let her know that I told that story in front of 25 students and everyone enjoyed it. They even told me to say hi to my aunt for them. She was thrilled that she attained some sort of local celebrity status, even if it was just within a small classroom.
A week or so later, I got a voicemail from her. She was sitting down with my Nana and a few other family members, and she was telling everyone how I performed the Halloween Prank [they call it a prank…I think social services calls it abuse] for my class. That’s when she remembered what her most memorable moment was having to do with me. So she called me right then and there, and reminded me.
When I was in 4th or 5th grade [about 10 or 11 years old] I was living with my Nana in her house. This was the house my father grew up in and my grandfather designed. My family had moved in with my Nana because after my grandfather passed away, someone needed to move in and help take care of the house and her. In no way is she incapacitated, but she is older, and my father’s family didn’t want her to be alone.
So anyways, my mother and father went away one weekend together, so my Auntie Jan came to watch my brother and I. I don’t remember much of the weekend, because for the most part, it was very uneventful and boring. Auntie Jan made dinner for Nana, Mikey and I. We played with friends. We went to bed. Nothing special.
Except for Saturday night.
The bathroom upstairs had one of those showers that is really a stall with a semi transparent door. The door to the shower wouldn’t lock, but snap into place once you closed it. I loved this shower, just because it was different and fun and I’m enthralled by simple things.
Now, mind you. I’m 10 or 11 years old at this point.
I had been watching Saturday morning cartoons earlier that day, and I happened to catch on Nickelodeon some old school cartoons. You know. Tom & Jerry. Droopy. Looney Toons. Stuff like that. So after a whole morning of cartoons, an entire day of pre pubescent activities, and a full meal, I was ready to shower and get ready for bed. The life of a kid is a life well led. So I hop into the shower, when it hits me. In Tom & Jerry, when the baby duck and Jerry were running away from Tom, they ran into a shower just like mine!
Thrilling, yes. I know.
Tom, thinking he was so smart, quickly turned on the shower in order to flood them out. Or drown them so he could then eat their water-logged corpses. Whatever. But, instead of them drowning, the water slowly filled up the entire shower, making a pool. Tom should have thought twice about that.
And so should have John.
I was using a face cloth when an idea hit me. How cool would it be if I could make this into my own little pool? I could float to the top of the shower and look out the top of the door. This was the idea of the century. Now I just needed to put it into effect.
I immediately put the face cloth over the drain. While it stopped the emptying of water for a little while, it didn’t do the trick. So I went and grabbed a towel, too, and placed that over the drain. That did the trick. After I bunched it up over the drain, I started to get a nice little wading pool going on. Now, I just needed to wait.
So I stood there. Naked. In the shower. Waiting for it to fill up into a closet sized swimming pool. Really, I don’t know how long I stood there.
Then my Auntie Jan [FIMY] started yelling into the bathroom. I immediately tried to play off the whole situation, because she couldn’t see what was going on. So I could just lie, and she would never know, right?
John?! John! What are you doing in there?!
John! What’s going on in there?
I told you, nothing!…Why?
The whole cellar is flooded! What’s going on?!
I immediately reached down and took away the towels and threw them into the hamper. I was panicking. I needed all this water [which had gotten to be almost calf high] to drain immediately before my aunt had any funny ideas of perhaps really killing me.
It was too late, though. By the time the water had drained, and I had gotten out of the shower, the entire basement was flooded. Nothing too severe [by the way, thank the Baby Jesus because my family would’ve killed me], but the floor was wet and my father had to run the pump when he got home.
They weren’t entirely happy with me. At all. Come to think of it, I don’t think they were very impressed with why I had done this in the first place. I think that explaining this to family and friends must have gone something like…
Wait, why did your basement flood?
Oh…well…our son accidentally flooded it.
Well…he was taking a shower…
He tried to turn the shower into a pool by covering the drain with towels.
I’m their first born. You can just taste the pride.