ABC yesterday revealed the contestants for the next installment of “Dancing With the Stars.” Appearing next season: Former Republican Majority Leader Tom DeLay, entertainer Donny Osmond; singers Mya, Macy Gray and Aaron Carter; actors Melissa Joan Hart, Debi Mazar and Ashley Hamilton; models Joanna Krupa and Kathy Ireland; reality stars Kelly Osbourne and Mark Dacascos (“the Chairman” on Food Network’s “Iron Chef America”); mixed martial artist Chuck Liddell; professional snowboarder Louie Vito; Olympic swimmer Natalie Coughlin and former Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Michael Irvin.
Holy shit, you guys. I’m gonna have to watch this year! Because really?? Macy Gray??
I’ve never had as much difficulty shopping for someone as I do when I shop for my father. He never wants anything. Or if he does, he asks for socks or golf balls. But a man only needs so many socks on this planet before he has to look for other uses, like puppetry or…”personal” rags.
You know. I wasn’t even going to that gross, awful place until I wrote this post. I blame you guys.
So to show Dad that I love him more than socks and golf balls, I’m thinking of getting him a kickass, wall-mounted, dead squirrel.
The website says that the taxidermist can “mount any squirrel in just about any position or style” with “vintage items”, which almost sounds like a dare to me. Like he’s positioning himself as the Michelangelo of squirrel carcass posing, and he’s just waiting for his own Sistine Chapel to come along. Because I could totally come up with some crazy themed positions for a dead squirrel that would be like, the artistic challenge of a lifetime for this guy.
But this isn’t about me and my goals. It’s Father’s Day 2K9.
So a golfing squirrel with a little bag and goofy hat and polo shirt would be awesome, right? And you know that the dad who receives a taxidermy themed gift for Father’s Day is going to remember that day for the rest of his life.
So yeah. Welcome to the best gift idea since they came out with greeting cards that have cash holders built into them. Rick’s Custom Squirrels is your new passion.
Jon Armstrong has been interviewing his dog, Chuck, on various political topics. And I love it.
But what I’m really excited to see are the videos of Chuck caught in compromising situations, like smoking weed or gallivanting around gay bars. Wiggle your way out of that, smooth talker.
You’ve probably already seen this or remakes, but I don’t care, because it’s amazing. We’ve actually been dancing to this at work while at our desks. Some have even said they’re going to dance all up on the printer table.
I dare you.
Isn’t it great? Don’t you just want to 80’s dance right now?
