Pretty Much Everything Is Against Me

I will be old and gray and deaf and in no need of a cell phone by the time Verizon gets me the phone I ordered what seems like months ago.

Originally, my new and improved phone from my new and improved provider was supposed to arrive while I was home for the holidays. It got pushed back to last Wednesday because of the huge number of deliveries happening.

And of course, it didn’t come. Because the rep didn’t realize that since my license is from Massachusetts and I live in New York, issues would occur. Which is just dumb to me, because how many college students move away and get a cell phone or change their service? Answer: many.

So after another delay, which involved me sending screen shots of bank statements to prove my address along with my mother’s maiden name [which I don’t know WHY they needed that when she has nothing to do with this transaction at all]. I left my rep my work address so that they could send me my phone there as opposed to my apartment, where I never am. So they sent it to my apartment, which just makes so much sense it hurts my head with its huge, massive logic.

So when the phone inevitably got delivered to my apartment when I was at work, I called FedEx to see if they could resend over the weekend or switch the mailing address to my work one for a Monday delivery. Of course, this should be easy right? The person receiving the package wants to change the address because the person receiving the package will not BE at the address it is being sent to. So voila. Done and done.

But no. The only way to change the address is to have the shipper change it. And there is only one person who can change it in Verizon. One person. In the entire company. A singular person who can change the date. Just one. And they aren’t there.

So now my phone is a week and a half late, and I’m pretty much on the verge of crying on a daily basis, not to mention wanting to take a blunt object to Verizon and FedEx and waving it around all willy nilly.

If I don’t get my phone by Tuesday, I’m going to go all types of foul mouthed crazy.