City Statistics

By John

As of this post, there are an estimated 6.6 billion people living on this planet right now.

Of those 6 billion, a little over 300 million people live right here in the United States.

Now, about 8 million of those people live in New York City alone. Which, when you think about it, is a pretty big number for one city alone. About .1% of the world’s population.

Drilling down even further, there are about 4.9 million subway patrons every day in New York City. This isn’t including buses, either. So, according to these figures, almost 2/3rds of people living in New York City use the subway system each and every day.

Stick with me, now, we’re almost there. This means that about 1.6% of the United States’ population travels through the tunnels of NYC on a daily basis. Or, to put it into broader terms, .07% of the world travels this city’s subway system, each and every day.

Now, kids. With the N and W trains traveling east towards Queens at about 35 mph, making for an average door to door travel time of 30 minutes, can someone tell me, using the information you have been given above, what the odds are that John will ride the same train car as the woman who threatens to squirt her milk at those who don’t give up their seat.

Bonus points for telling me the velocity at which said milk would have ejaculated towards intended target.

Please show your work. Penmanship counts.

5 Responses to “City Statistics”

  1. nicole Says:

    Whoa. .07% is the percentage of people who would’ve died from the bomb in Heroes. I’m not sure why this freaks me out, but it does. Also, notice the capitalization.

  2. Irish Eyes Says:

    Wow. That was funny. And made my brain hurt a bit.

  3. Joolie Says:

    I am so getting knocked up so I can use my lactating breasts as a weapon.

  4. John Says:

    I can only assume it’s what they’re there for.

  5. V-Grrrl Says:

    John, your life is not be believed.

    And now I’m wondering, is there such a thing as “assault with a deadly leaking boob”?

    Would that be a misdemeanor or a felony?

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