This Post Is Directed At Moreso A Specific Person Than Anything

Dear Randy,

I’ve been receiving a lot of emails lately.

They come from someone named ‘Randy the hairy faced chick’.

The subject line reads ‘I think you know what this is about’.

Randy [the hairy faced chick]? I do not know what any of this is about. Nor do I care to know what any of this is about. Personally, I’d much rather just keep to myself and not even dare opening your email. Because I feel only bad things could come about from something like this.

I’ve never known someone named Randy. Nevertheless a woman named Randy who had a follicle problem all about her face. And so trust me when I say that there is nothing in the world that could possibly be discussed with you, Randy [the hairy faced chick] that I would have even a glimmer of an idea of what you were actually saying.

My advice to you is to stop emailing me and to Nair your face.

All The Best,
John