For Thanksgiving, I was able to spend the day with Carla and her family. Because my mother was going up to Maine, I was able to be with the Lebanese loves of my life.
Sidenote. I’m assuming that, at this point, all of the world has seen My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Imagine that family. Pictured? Good. Carla’s family makes that one look as boring as a sequel to the movie Crossroads.
As a sort of thank you, my mother made some chocolate chip cookies for me to bring to the dinner, so I wasn’t going into the house empty handed. Carla and I both popped in two cookies each on the ride over, and by the time the plate hit the counter, Carla’s mom and her little sister Stephie had already grabbed one.
As Carla’s mom took a bite into her cookie, she immediately looked at us and said in her impossibly cute accent ‘Did Stephie have one of these?!’
The next thing I know, Stephie is freaking out in the kitchen, her EpiPens are no where to be found, and her lips are starting to swell into two, long pink balloons that clowns use to make animals.
Some of the cookies, apparently, were made with walnuts. Walnuts are to Stephie as…well…poisonous substances are to any normal human being. Within 15 minutes of being at Carla’s house, I had poisoned the youngest child of the house, causing her to drug up on Benadryl, thereby inducing a drug induced drowse effect that followed her for the rest of the day.
Whoopsie stroodles.
In related news, I’m thinking of starting a business. If you’ve got a relative or friend whom you deem to be obnoxious, intolerable, tiresome or in need of some form of abuse, call me. I’ll come over and give them a near death experience for a totally affordable price. Laughs for you. Life lessons for them.
November 28, 2006 at 4:52 am
When I was a waitress, I one poisoned a customer on Thanksgiving. No extra charge.