During my 12 hour shift at the Eagle the other day, nothing seemed to be going very smoothly. Wall designs were positioned incorrectly. We were drastically low on different types of shirts and what not. Hangers just kept APPEARING in the middle of the floor, and no one knew how.
I blamed it on the Irish girls that we recently hired, Rose and Kate. My theory is that leprechauns followed them over here from the Emerald Isle, and are now wreaking havoc of small people proportions. To be completely honest, there is really no other explanation as to why so many tiny, annoying things consistently kept occurring. It was the leprechauns.
When I finally lost it around midnight, I yelled at Rose and Kate, telling them that their damned mystical heritage is screwing us all over and that they should just take the rainbow and the pot of gold and shove it up their ‘arse’. Kate flew back at me with a flurry of words I didn’t understand, because seriously, why can’t you Irish people just speak English? So in response, I called her a Banshee.
She stopped folding clothes, looked up at me, and did something that made me regret all the things I said in my sleep deprived tirade.
She Banshee Cursed me.
At first, I laughed it off. But now? I’m not so sure. With the string of bad luck I’ve been having, I need to find a way to break this curse before this weekend, the celebration of my 22nd birthday.
Yesterday, while driving to work [LATE, I might add], I pulled around the corner from my house and BAM! got pulled over by a cop. The first time in my life that a cop has ever had to stop me for anything. I felt even more lame knowing that he wasn’t in a car when he pulled me over. He was running down the street. On foot.
He said my ticket would have been over $200. Half of it would be because I ran a stop sign [it's called a Massachusetts stop for a REASON. Who does full 3 second stops?!], and the other half would have been for speeding. Since I had never been pulled over or been into an accident in my life, I only got a written warning. He marked on the sheet that he had ‘estimated’ my speed. I estimated him to be a douche.
Some people may say I should never have done a running stop, or that I shouldn’t be speeding. If I had been obeying the rules of the road, none of this would have happen. I say to those people two words:
Banshee Curse.
After I got out of work yesterday, I began to pull out of my spot to head for the garage toll booth. Forgetting I had placed a bottle of soda on the roof of my car, I jumped a bit when it fell off and hit my window. This resulted in me scraping the side of the car against a pole, resulting in the slight disfigurement of the front left bumper of the car. While it’s only a plastic bumper and can easily [and hopefully cheaply] be repaired, I’m a bit nervous about this happenstance.
Sure, you may say I should have been thinking more clearly and remembered my bottle of coke. Or that I should have not parked next to that pole. If I had been a more aware driver, I would have been able to prevent this minor accident from occurring. I say to you people two words:
Banshee Curse.
I’ve decided I’m not going to drive for a solid week. I can’t risk the Curse of the Banshee on me or the car until I can talk to Kate and have her lift this vile voodoo from my life. If she doesn’t do it soon, there is no TELLING what may happen to me.
Damn those drunken hooligans and their evil green magic. Damn them to hell.
…
Don’t tell them I said that.
July 26, 2006 at 8:42 am
If you write three more funny consecutive posts the curse will reverse itself… Whadd’are ya waitin’ for laddie?!?