And If You Mention This Post, I’ll Only Charge You $5 For An Autograph

I want you all to look off into the distance. Stare off into space with that look in your eye that you always see people at the end of bad Life Time movies with. The look that says You know what?! Things MIGHT just get better, and I MIGHT just walk again, and Jimmy may SOMEDAY come home and help me raise Betsy and Skip Skip up right. Now hold that look. And think about the future, and this promise I’m about to make to you.

Someday, when we are all older, with new worries, old memories, fresh experiences and long learned lessons, you will all be able to look back and say You know? I knew that John fellow back when he wasn’t famous. Back when he was just a lowly blogger who didn’t have the world in the palm of his hand. I knew John when he was just another face in the crowd, and not the paparazzi pursued ADONIS he is today.

My friend Katelyn, Jack Black, Me and Laura Kightlinger

To be completely honest, though, I did pay my dues. What you won’t see pictured is me dressed up in a full body pig suit [a rapping, jiving, homeboy pig, nonetheless] dancing around the film festival as a character from one of the movies up for an award.

I walked up on stage in that full body, mobile casket. I Posed. I Danced. I even flashed gang signs [or the closest I could get to them while wearing those hooves]. All while sweating more than a whore in church. And then I had to be photographed with every single child within a 5 city block radius.

I tell ya. Being famous is NOT easy.

Also, to be even more honest…this was several years ago. I’m still waiting for that fame to kick in. But any day now and KA-POW, my face will be on every TV Guide in the country. Just you wait and see.