For a long time, I’ve always debated writing about my experiences as an RA during this past year. Not the stories that made my job amusing, fun or fulfilling, but the ones that made me regret staying in the position. Now that I’m safely removed from both Syracuse University and the RA job, I feel a huge burden has been lifted off my shoulders. Be prepared. This is a long one.
Professionally speaking, I have never had a more difficult time being an RA. As a senior, it was difficult to keep in perspective what the criteria of my job was compared to what my personal criteria became. When you’re faced with graduation, job hunting, apartment searching and all those other things that comprise the ‘real world’, the drive to create a program around the dangers of alcohol seems petty.
This isn’t to say that my role as an RA wasn’t important to me. Or that I just stopped trying at the position. In fact, I think that this past year I succeeded in areas that I had failed in previous years. It had just gotten to the point that the RA job wasn’t my number one priority in my life. It couldn’t be. After 2 years of having other people be the priority in my life, my senior year forced me to focus my efforts on myself and my future. And I don’t regret this change in philosophy.
My status as a senior aside, the greatest obstacle I had to overcome in the RA position this year was my boss. Internet, I think I could start an entire new blog on this subject. In order to safely talk about issues we had with her without being held responsible for speaking poorly about the department or our boss, our staff would never refer to her by name, but instead called her ‘Paula Dickens’. An alias completely unrelated to her real name. So, in an effort to maintain anonymity as well as protect myself, we’ll keep this name.
Since the very beginning, some of the staff had issues with Paula. During training, we were told that those who were 21 years old on the staff [by the end of the year, 11 of the 14 of us were 21] would have added responsibilities if they were in a bar. Namely, if they saw someone who was underage in the bar, we were to approach them and ask them to leave. If they didn’t, then we were to contact the bar management or a bouncer and inform them of who was underage in the bar. This may not seem like a big deal to you, but it was for me. I was not being paid to be a bouncer at a bar, nor was I going to risk any type of confrontation with someone whom may or may not have been trashed. This was a wildly inappropriate expectation in my opinion.
At the beginning of October, we lost an RA. Sarina was a first year RA who, in my opinion, had the potential to be one of the better RAs on campus. Her devotion to her residents was surprising, and she had already gone above and beyond the job description several times in the few weeks of her position. Unfortunately, because of allergies, her nights were plagued with coughing fits and her days beset with hives, all a result of her room and carpeting. Since day 2, she complained about this. Nothing was done. Paula would routinely lie to staff members who expressed concern about what was being done regarding Sarina and her health. In order to make herself look good, Paula made it seem as though Sarina was spreading lies about the entire situation. In the end, Sarina was forced to quit the job because nothing was done to help remedy her situation. There was no attempt made to even move her down the hall to the allergy free room which had hardwood floors. Paula knew about this problem since the second day of training.
The issues continued throughout the year. The professionalism that I was accustomed to from previous bosses was sorely missed with Paula. There was no line between her personal life and her professional. In fact, if you weren’t ‘friends’ with Paula, then you wouldn’t receive the support you needed professionally. And if you were friends with her, then you could get away with murder. She had once chided an RA [whom she did not get along with] for writing up residents for dumping empty beer cans out the window because he was ‘too thorough’ in his job. The residents he wrote up were her favorite residents. The same ones that she told me she had wanted to invite to a private party in her apartment, reserved solely for her favorite residents. She would even comment to other RAs and main desk staff about how hot she thought one of the main desk assistants was.
This year, I received the worst RA evaluation that I’ve ever received in my 3 years in the job. There were several categories to be judged in. Team Member/Role Model, Administrative, Crisis Management, Educator and CAP Facilitator. On a scale of 1-5, 5 being excellent, I received all 1’s, 2’s and a 3. Because Paula didn’t like me personally, professionally I suffered. In fact, during the meeting in which I was fired, her boss told me that I was not an exemplary RA this year…not withstanding the awards you won. My reputation as a good RA was tarnished because of Paula. I can only venture a guess as to what she told her boss about me and other RAs that she didn’t like during her weekly one on ones. At the end of the year, the day before was fired, I received three awards. One being ‘Educator of the Year’, and another the ‘Bronze Pin’ for going above and beyond in exemplary service to the school.
Very early on, it was made aware to us that the people who didn’t speak up, didn’t voice their opposing opinion and didn’t question problems within the system were the ones who would be on Paula’s good side. If you did any of these things, then you were deemed negative, a bad RA, or difficult. It was us ‘difficult’ ones that had the hardest time in dealing with how things were being handled.
After I was fired, one of my friends and co RAs, Nicole, went in to question my termination. She said she thought it was ridiculous that I had been fired when I could have possibly saved someone’s life. That I was punished for being a good person. Paula told her that being a ‘good person’ has nothing to do with this situation, and that I deserved the consequences that were set upon me. Nicole shot back, saying this has everything to do with being a ‘good person’. She said her father didn’t want her daughter’s name associated with a department that punish someone who did what they knew to be right. Paula had no answer for this.
Before school had ended, 5 of us scheduled an exit interview with a member of the central office to voice our concerns. Not so that we could bash Paula Dickens, but so we could ensure that not one future RA would have the experiences we had.
During that interview, the director of the department looked at me and told me that I was a very good RA, and should be proud of myself. That I was walking away from the job knowing that I haven’t sold my soul. I thanked her, but told her it was sad to hear that, as it was the second time that year someone had told me I’m a good RA. Paula had told me it once. The next day she fired me.
At the time of my exit interview, I told the director of my department that I am sad to be walking away from this office and position having gained nothing of value during this past year, besides the experience of dealing with a boss whom there is a mutual dislike and lack of respect for. I told her it was upsetting that, because of one person, I was denied the chance to grow and learn. She promised me that someday I would be able to look back upon these experiences and discover something positive wrapped up in all of the negative.
She was right. I’ve learned firsthand that there are people out there who will do their best to bring you down, just because they want to. I’ve learned that there are people who have never once heard of Voltaire or his famous words I may not agree with what you say, but I’ll defend to the death your right to say it. I’ve learned that a strong voice and an even stronger opinion will be met with more adversity and even more hostility than ever warranted.
And I’ve learned that, despite all of these unfair consequences and close minded opponents, I’ve never been more proud to be that loud mouthed, opinionated, ‘difficult’ person who’s always questioning the questionable around him and speaking up against the objectionable in front of him.
No Dickens’ gonna hold me down.
